Musings of a young black weirdo

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

There is always a choice.

One of my favorite quotations is from the second Fantastic Four movie. Sue Storm is talking to the Silver Surfer, and she’s asking him why he’s destroying all the planets. (I hope this doesn’t ruin the movie. Oh well.) He says, simply enough, “I have no choice,” and Sue Storm replies “there is always a choice.” It’s a really short exchange between the two characters, but it’s always stuck with me for some reason. We always have a choice. No matter what.

Every time something happens to us that seems to be out of our control, we complain instead of fixing things. Whether your boss cut your hours, your car is messing up, or you’re fighting with someone close to you, instead of doing something about it, you complain. But why? The quick answer is because we can’t help it, we can’t change things, or we don’t know how to change it. The real answer is because we are so comfortable (even in bad situations) that we don’t want to change from the familiar to something foreign to us.

Logic tells us that if something in our lives is bad, we’ll attempt to avoid it at all costs, but we see people and situations that prove otherwise every day. We all have that one friend that keeps going back to a horrible boyfriend/girlfriend, that one family member that is always in and out of jail, and that one co-worker that absolutely hates her job but hasn’t been looking for another. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we stay in unhealthy situations when we know those situations are taking a toll on our physical and mental health?

We’re creatures of habit. We would rather stay in a predictable situation than take a chance by changing something, even if it is for the better. Searching for jobs is hard, especially in this economy. There aren’t any good men/women out there and I don’t want to be alone. If I stop doing what my friends do, then who will I hang out with?

I know so many people that complain about living in Kentucky. How many of them have left or even made an attempt to leave? Not that many. Sure, most of those people are in school, but if KY is that bad, then get out. Credits transfer. You always have a choice. The choice isn’t always pretty. It may be full of difficulties and sacrifices. You might have to go to a more expensive school, lose your scholarship, get pushed back a semester, or meet new friends, but for some people, the change might just be worth it.

Take responsibility for yourself and your happiness. If you know a certain situation isn’t good for you, don’t let any person, place, or thing keep you from finding peace or pursuing your dreams.

โ€œThe day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making anyย excuses, that’s the day you start to the top.โ€

Life is too short to be unhappy or blame other people or circumstances for the quality of your life. Change or don’t, it’s up to you. But don’t make excuses.

Ladies, let’s be real here.

I will NEVER understand why someone will have a perfectly good man or woman who treats them well and go and mess it up. I’m not talking about people who cheat or do shady stuff in general. There are plenty of people that talk about you every day. I’m talking about the people who are the first to brag about their relationships and how great their boyfriends/girlfriends are but then take advantage of, ignore, or are just horrible to them. I know a handful of young ladies who have good boyfriends right now. These young men will wine, dine, and take good care of their women. These men will give their women any and everything if the could, and they are giving 100% of themselves to their relationships (and they’re cute on top of that!). These are the men for whom women search for years.

I know you’re probably thinking “dang, if I had a man like that, I would do everything for him!” [Insert neck roll, lip smack, “mmhmm,” or other stereotypical “sista girl” behavior here. I won’t tell anybody.] The sad thing is, some women have these men and are constantly picking fights, nagging, or just being rude to them. For what?! What did he do to make you do that to him? I’m no expert on men, but I’m 99% sure a man doesn’t want Wendy Williams, his mother, or a Eva [from Deliver Us From Eva] as his girlfriend.

We women are good for expecting men to treat us a certain way [like a princess, queen, or other royal figure], but we don’t deserve anything from him. We earn his love, respect, and devotion. Your appearance may catch his eye, but your personality is what keeps him.

Ladies, our problem is that we don’t want to lose in the eternal power struggle that is man vs. woman. If we spend all of our time catering to a man, we are weak. But guess what? If we spend all our time rejecting a man’s love, we’ll be not only weak [strong people are able to accept love, compliments, and affection], but we’ll also drive the man away and be lonely. Now don’t get me wrong; you don’t have to tie his du-rag on, run a bubble bath, and cook dinner every night. You don’t even have to go buy him the new J’s when they come out or a G-Shock in every color in the rainbow. All you have to do is……… [wait for it…..]

Just love him. It’s that simple. Remember all those conversations yall had when you first got together about each other’s favorite movies and songs and colors? Why not go and buy him Transformers on DVD since he still hasn’t gotten around to buying it? Or make him a mix CD of his favorite singers/rappers? Or just listen to him if he wants to vent about his day. If he asks you to do something [within reason], do it for him. Without complaining, expecting something in return, or rolling your eyes. Is it really that hard to run by the store and get him some deodorant because he’s about to run out? You know you don’t want him stinking anyways. Just do it. Especially if he just took out YOUR trash at YOUR house, changed YOUR oil, or bought YOUR mama something for Mother’s Day. Don’t expect him to keep taking you out to eat if you can’t even do the simplest of things.

Of course, you don’t have to listen to me, but if your man just went to three stores looking for that specific type of ice cream and all you did was snatch it and walk away, don’t expect him to stay there getting played.

And men, this also applies the other way around. ๐Ÿ™‚

Emotional Rollercoaster

Getting over an ex is tough. Especially when you thought you were over that person. You’re just going along with your day, living your life, listening to Pandora, and the when next song comes on, it’s that song. Your song. You hear the intro or the first line, and your mind wanders back to a year (or two or three…) ago, when you were happy with X and you heard this song the first time you kissed. Or on your first date. Or on your anniversary. A part of you wants to turn the song off, but another part of you wants to relive that part of your life for the next 3 minutes and 42 seconds. So you do. Then you spend all day reliving memories and come to the realization that you’re not completely over that person.

Emotional ties are the ties that bind. (I may or may not have just made that quotation up. Sorry if I plagiarized you.) You may have gotten to the point where you can go a whole week or two without thinking about that person at all, but one sound, picture, video, smell (smell is closely tied to memory!), article of clothing, or place can cause allllll those feelings to pop back up. Then you’re stuck with bittersweet memories you would rather forget swimming around your head for the rest of the day. And all you can do is deal with them.

I wish I knew the quickest and easiest way to get over someone. If I did, I would use it myself. *drops mic and walks off stage*